LARRY DONN writes for Now Dig This
YOU CAN BE A SONGWRITER...INSTANTLY!
Don't laugh! You, too, can be popular and have lots of friends!
It's easy! It's simple! It's fun! Even you can do it! Just
follow the directions in this informative article and soon your
friends will all be sighing and swooning when you sing your song.
Some of them may even actually pass out from emotion! You can
get an officially handsome certificate, suitable for framing,
that says, "THIS CERTIFIES THAT (your name) IS A GENUINE,
BONAFIDE SONGWRITER AND IS ENTITLED TO ALL RIGHTS AND PRIVILEGES
THEREOF". Check with your local printer.
Now, for starters, try to get your local symphony orchestra to
acompany you as you follow the easy directions. Or, perhaps a
famous rock group would help on a day off. Of course, rock
groups are well-known for wanting to save the world or plant
petunias on their days off, so unless your powers of persuasion
are extraordinary, you may have to settle for a local combo. If
all else fails, accompany yourself by stamping your foot and
slapping your knee. This movement can also be a great
ice-breaker at parties. If you get an adverse reaction, quickly
embarrass the host by announcing that his home is infested with
When performing your song, for a really big finish fall to the
floor and kick vigorously, in circles screaming "Elvis is alive!
Elvis is alive!". This is guaranteed to hold your audience's
attention while you sing your last line.
Now, put on your songwriter's cap and follow these simple
In figure 12c-19, you'll find basic song PF14/24J from our Basic
Song Book No. 706-x15, Page 45, Section g, Part 16.
(Figure 12C-19) basic song PF-14/24J
AS I 1 IN MY 2 THIS MORNING,
MY 3'S GETTING BIGGER ALL THE TIME.
I TELL MYSELF 4, SHE'S GOT 5
BUT THOSE 6 KEEP 7 UP MY 8.
I REALIZE SHE'S 9 AND IT'S ALL 10
AND I'LL NEVER 11 HER 12 13 AGAIN.
I SUPPOSE 14 I'LL FIND 15
BUT I GUESS I'LL BE A 16 UNTIL THEN.
* Although rhyming is considered good form, it can seriously
hamper your creativity and is rumoured to be a cause of the
common cold. Very few of the pieces written by Mozart, Chopin or
Hemingway have rhyming words, so it's really not necessary. If
you ever tune in an opera by mistake on TV, notice the words
don't rhyme very much.
(Figure 12C-20) basic word lists L-99 to L-115, Basic Song Book
No. 706-X15, Page 1034, Section W, Part 128.
BOB DYLAN SONGS
IN A FEW MINUTES
AT THE SUPERMARKET
A FREE TICKET
As you perform your song (Figure 12C-19), insert in each numbered
blank a word from the correpondingly numbered list in figure
12C-20. Or, if you prefer, make up your own words. Please do
not use dirty words in mixed company.
Sing your song to the tune of Beethoven's 'Symphony Number 6 In
F' (Pastoral) or 'Uncle Hank's Black River Rag'. These
compositions are not as popular as they once were and it may
have been a week or two since you heard either on the radio, so
you may sing to the tune of your favourite song, if you'd rather.
If you don't have a favourite song, any song will do. If you
don't know any songs, just chant the words in any rhythm you
like. If you have no rhythm, you may read the words aloud. If
you can't read, you've probably already made a fortune writing
disco lyrics and aren't interested anyway.
Just think, memorize the words to your song and you'll be the hit
of the next party you attend! Don't breathe a word about it
until you all gather merrily around the piano to sing some old
favourites, then, soaring your song on the crowd! As you sing
those beutiful words you chose so lovingly, your friends will
stand spellbound, awe-struck by the magnificience of your
creation! When you caress those last few notes, they'll crowd
around you, applauding gaily, begging to know where you got such
a marvellous song. Then, imagine the thrill when you tell them
that YOU are the composer!
When the word gets around, you'll be invited to all the most
important gatherings and you might even get a letter from your
congressman. Or, who knows, maybe an invitation from the
President to one of his parties! How exciting! You can be sure
that once you sing your song at the President's party, he'll ask
you back again and again. Why, he might even appoint you an
ambassador to somewhere or other!!
But, we warn you, don't set your goals too high, but, it wouldn't hurt
to run out and check on a texedo rental, just to be sure they
have one in your size. A shortage of tuxedoes could very well
develop when people start reading this and writing their own
songs. Just think, if everyone wrote his or her own song, you
could form an international organization with conventions in
Paris and Butte, Montana, and other exotic places! Each member
could sing his or her song to tumultuous applause and afterward,
congratulate each other on the beauty of your respective
creations. Of course, you could have punch and cookies, too, if
Don't let others like Paul McCartney, Burt Bacharach, Marvell
Winslow and Ludwig Von Beethoven hog all the fun, glamour and
glory! Show them that you, too, can be a songwriter.
Our method is absolutely free... no royalties to pay, no parts to
buy and no admission charge. Of course, we could always use a
dozen or so eggs, maybe a pound or two of butter or something...
a trip to "Hawaii would be nice.
So, let's go! Start writing your very own song and the future is